Society of The Crown

Somehow I've been honored with membership into the Society of The Crown.  Which is apparently an honor bestowed on an exclusive number of whiskey drinkers from the Crown Royal brand, and "one of the most rewarding groups in the world."

I'm not sure what I did that deservs this great honor, since I'm not a whiskey drinker and have never purchased Crown Royal.  But who am I to challenge their wisdom?  I accept the honor.  It's another badge to add to my collection of great honors. 

If you were not lucky enough to have been given this honor of membership, you can still apply on their website crownroyal.com/caskno16).   I can't be sure you'll get into The Society.  It is after all a Society, and societies are notorious for their exclusivity.   

To qualify, you'll first have to answer some tricky questions from the people who decide on memberships.  Questions like:

"What's your name?"

And the slightly confusing "What year were you born?"   

And that's just for starters.  Where it gets really tough is when they ask...

"Which one of the following statements describes Crown Royal for you?" 

Now you might be tempted to answer honestly and mark something like

"Its the only brand of whiskey I buy."

But I can assure you that when dealing with Societies, honesty is not the best policy.  This kind of enthusiasm gets your application sent straight to the 'trying too hard' bin.  Societies are smart and they know that people don't just buy one kind of anything, because that would make you a really boring person.

And you also don't want to be too harsh and say something like

"I have tried this whiskey, and I think I prefer goat piss."

This kind of answer gets you on the 'do not invite to the next party' list.

What you want to do in this situation is to be a bit cagey.  Let them know you're an independent thinker and that you're going to be a tough sell.  After all, wasn't it Groucho Marx who said "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."  I bet that made him a highly prized potential member to thousands of clubs. 

So when it comes to answering the question "Which one of the following statements describes Crown Royal for you?"  you want to answer in ways that say your mind isn't made up.  Good answers are things like...

"I have heard of this whiskey, but I don't know much about it."

Or the equally clever:

"I've never tried this brand of whiskey, but I would like to."

These answers are guaranteed to get you another look (and fill your mailbox with flattering invitations).  And that's one of the main perks of being a member of a Society.  All the things that come in the mail with your name on them.  It makes you feel important and lets the mailman know you are man with friends.

Now go to the website, listen to some smooth jazz and apply for membership which will make you "one of the first to be notified of Cask No. 16."  Or you can just go down the street since it's "available now at your favorite retailer."

Oh and don't forget, if you act now, you also might receive a complimentary onyx black pedestal where you can display your limited edition Cask No. 16 whiskey "for all to see." 

Comments

[Barry A. Smith]

Speaking of Special Reserve, I think you might want to reserve space on your complimentary onyx black pedestal for the knapsacks of new junkmail you will soon be getting.

For the record, I entered that I was born in 1919. They seemed cool with that.

I enjoy your blog via RSS.

[Dave]

Thanks Barry.

[Emily]

Wow...

I work with this brand, and your highly critical and creative input is not taken lightly.

What do you have against Crown?! :)

[Dave]

Nothing against them personally. Just something against spam - which is what I consider this direct mail piece.

[costa rica hotels]

hi guys ... I really enjoyed reading this blog so interesting ... congratulations for writing such quality material. I would love to receive more information about Society of The Crown

[william lawson]

The only problem is Crown really IS THE ONLY WHISKEY I BUY.i'm not a boring person. i just know what i like. i have tried alot of others, and i prefer crown. so in answering that question i was not trying to hard, just being honest. all of my friends never have to ask what i want to drink, and they always know what to get me for birthdays, christmas etc.

[Jordan 13]

very cool space! I love your taste and it looks like it'd be so much fun to poke around in there... I used to live in DE but am now in VA, but if I ever go back that way to visit family I'd love to see it in person :)

[recherche femme russe]

I am interested in it for a long time! Nothing against them personally. Just something against spam - which is what I consider this direct mail piece.

[Nicole Kidman]

Nothing against them personally. Just something against spam - which is what I consider this direct mail piece.GooD luck!

[Camarad]

The interesting information, the tonic on a note! Speaking of Special Reserve, I think you might want to reserve space on your complimentary onyx black pedestal for the knapsacks of new junkmail you will soon be getting.

[Moncler Manteaux]

Nice, and thanks for sharing this info with us.Good Luck!

[Amy Adams]

Speaking of Special Reserve, I think you might want to reserve space on your complimentary onyx black pedestal for the knapsacks of new junkmail you will soon be getting.